24 lessons in 24 years
Valuable life lessons learned
Hi friends,
I turned 24 last week! I had a wonderful birthday surrounded by friends and family - so grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life.
I’m also grateful for all that I’ve learned in 24 years of life and wanted to share some of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the years with you. Some of these lessons I learned quickly, and others very slowly and painfully. Some lessons were unexpected and a few were life changing.
So here are 24 lessons in 24 years:
Hurt people hurt people
This is a lesson I learned from observing myself as well as observing others. Whenever I get triggered, defensive or have extreme reactions, it is usually because I’m feeling sensitive or insecure about something. Most people carry around a lot of emotional baggage and trauma which they can project onto others. Learning to not take things too personally and healing my own trauma is how I plan to cultivate healthier relationships.
You are way more capable than you think
There are so many moments where I’ve let my self doubt take over and convince myself that I can’t do something. This is one of those lessons that I have to keep reminding myself about because there will be many more moments where I have to play that mental game and win to continue progressing.
Investing in yourself is never a waste of time
Whether it is through education, hobbies, or health checkups, the investments (time and money) I’ve made in myself were all worth it. I’m on a journey to becoming a healthy, educated and fulfilled person, which will attract the right people and opportunities.
Money is not something to fear. But it will be if you don’t fix your relationship with it.
I’ve definitely felt quite anxious about money before because it seemed so complex and unknown to me. I used to avoid looking at my bank account and refused to spend money on anything, which made me fear dealing with money even more. But after learning about how money works and how to earn/save/invest money for the long term, I have a healthier outlook on money and feel more in control of my money now.
Relationships require hard work to nurture, but they should not be all the time
Over the years, I’ve made a conscious effort to maintain and nurture my relationships. Whether it is sending a text, giving them a call or meeting up to hang out, I try to keep in contact regularly. However, I’ve also learned that relationships are a two way street - the other person must reciprocate the same level of effort. Giving too much and receiving too little is unfair and unfulfilling, so it is best to prune off relationships that always feel like a steep climb.
Reducing friction is a underrated strategy for habit building
Removing any obstacle that makes it harder for you to get the task done is how you reduce friction. Friction can be formed by distance, time or effort. Some examples from my life: I put my water bottle next to me so that I drink more water. Added a Duolingo widget on my phone screen to reduce the effort needed to find the app. Wear workout clothes to work so I can go straight to the gym after.
Keeping promises you make to yourself helps you build self confidence
I always believed that self confidence was something I could work towards but I didn’t know how. Willing confidence into existence wasn’t really working. But I found that keeping the promises I made to myself eg: I will finish this project off today or I will apply for that opportunity today helped me build up trust in myself. By showing up for myself, I created a positive feedback loop - I kept the promises I made to others and gain self confidence.
Invite encouraging and positive people into your life
I used to think that I was “strong enough” to handle negative or draining people. But at a certain point, I didn’t see the point of wasting time with people who were not encouraging or positive. With so much pain and uncertainty already in the world, I highly recommend surrounding yourself with supportive people that will navigate the uncertainties with you.
It may take multiple starting lines or beginnings to get consistent
This is a lesson I learned from trying to build a gym/exercise habit for years. I can’t recall how many times I’ve tried to make the gym a regular part of my routine. I would be consistent for days, weeks or months but then get distracted/demotivated and let myself go weeks without exercising. I can now say that I’m a regular gym-goer and I’m proud of myself for not giving up and restarting many times till a routine finally stuck. If you are struggling with consistency with anything at the moment, don’t give up, keep showing up and you will make it!
Focus on being curious rather than being smart
The tendency to want to be smart rather than curious links to my incessant need to be right, which I wrote about in my previous newsletter. I’ve learned that being genuinely curious will actually allow you to engage in more intellectual and deep conversations than just stating what you know. This is particularly applicable to networking conversations or when meeting new people.
Craft and deliver your message with the audience in mind
This is a lesson that I learned properly at work. I didn’t know the importance of good and effective communication until I started my first job. Whether it is writing copy, persuading internal/external stakeholders or presenting to management, tailoring your message and delivery to the audience is crucial to get what you want from them.
Mental and physical health is not something worth sacrificing
I protected my mental and physical health very early on, but I took it to the next level during the pandemic. Here is a quote from Steven Bartlett that resonated me:
If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that we have nothing without our health - our health is our first foundation. Our dreams, ambitions, experiences, relationships and passions are all contingent on a foundation of good health - without our health, we have nothing.
You cannot force people to change if they don’t want to
It was a hard lesson to learn but a necessary one. You can do your best to support, assist and encourage but ultimately the person needs to choose to change for themselves.
Crying is healthy
I had to stop bottling up my feelings and embraced the tears when I feel sad/frustrated/happy. Scientifically speaking, crying is useful and healthy because it releases oxytocin and endorphins, which are chemicals that ease both physical and emotional pain.
Everyone is creative
I had a strict definition of creativity growing up. To me, creative = artsy/artist. According to this definition, I was not a creative person. I don’t remember a particular moment where I expanded my definition of creativity but I gradually started getting more in touch with my creativity/creative capacity. I realised that being creative is something drawn to and that I need allow myself to indulge in in order to feel fulfilled. So I’m trying give myself more time to invest into my creative endeavours eg: this newsletter and other creative projects.
Being in nature is healing
As a city girl, I didn’t realise the power of being in nature until got into doing outdoor activities eg: hiking, camping, biking, picnics. There is strong scientific and anecdotal evidence for the healing power of nature → I will continue to take opportunities to immerse myself in nature.
Being honest and vulnerable with others is powerful
This lesson links to what I shared about learning how to ask for help last week. I’ve found that time and time again when I’m open, honest and vulnerable, people around me appreciate it and share more about themselves in return.
Take time to understand or provide the context
Whether you are speaking or listening, context is important. I often forget to give context and confuse the listener or I don’t enough pay attention to the context and provide poor suggestions. I’m learning to exercise more patience in conversations to understand the context of the situation at hand more deeply.
Work expands to fill the time allotted for its completion
This is known as Parkinson’s Law and it is a game-changer for my productivity. After learning about this, I create mini/soft deadlines for myself before the actual deadline so that I always deliver on time.
Everything can be a drug; it depends on the dose
Shoutout to Professor David Presti at UC Berkeley who taught MCB C61 Brain, Mind and Behaviour for this lesson. This was one of the quotes to introduce the topic of how different substances influence our brain and behaviour. My takeaway was that moderation is key - so I always remind myself of this lesson whenever I feel out of balance in life.
You can learn anything you want to with the power of the internet
Thanks to the internet there are so many resources (free and paid) at our fingertips. When I’m reminded of this, I’m always inspired to make use of these resources and learn about topics that are important to me.
You don’t have to know everything to write/speak about it
This is a lesson I learned from observing a lot of creators building up a lot of authority by simply writing/speaking/building in public. Instead of waiting to becoming an expert at something, they document their learnings/journeys and share them with the world in real time → it builds authenticity. Learning this lesson encouraged me to start sharing my ideas in public.
Sometimes you need to optimise for either quality or quantity
Of course it would be great to be able to optimise for both but sometimes you only need to optimise for one in order to achieve what you want. Sometimes you want quality > quantity eg: you have limited time, you want to create limited stock to make it exclusive, you need to build relationships to sell rather than increase exposure. In contrast, sometimes you want quantity > quality eg: to increase exposure and word of mouth, to explore multiple options. Knowing what to optimise and when is the next level of mastery I’m striving towards.
Done is better than perfect
Ending with this one because this lesson is something that I’m constantly relearning. Execution > Perfection. This lesson helped me combat my perfectionism and saved me from the regret of not starting on my goals sooner.
That’s it! Thanks for making it to the end. There is so much more learning, relearning and unlearning to do. I’m looking forward to more lessons learned this year!
This week’s collection
🖤💗Artist: BlackPink
I had an amazing time at the BlackPink Born Pink Asia Tour concert on my birthday. The energy was top-notch, the girls absolutely killed it and I had so much fun singing my heart out.
In case you missed it: In last week’s newsletter, I wrote about learning how to ask for help.
A question for you!
What is a lesson learned for you this year?
Always open to learning more and hearing from you 😊
Thanks for reading!
Stay inspired,
Viv