The need to always be right
My quick thoughts on this
Hi friends,
I was a very annoying know-it-all when I was younger (maybe I still am ahahaha).
The best way I know how to describe my behaviour is through Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. Like Hermione, I was always raising my hand in class, interrupting people and correcting people using a very judgmental tone. I know this because I’ve watched many videos that my parents took of me doing just that.
Watching these videos made me cringe. They also made me wonder why I was so fixated on being right. After watching some videos and reading this article from Ness Labs, I have thoughts on why the need to be right is so engrained in me and many of us.
The external factors at play:
Societal structures: society values rightness and smarts
Education system: correct answers and good grades are rewarded
Cultural values: drilled into us by our family and friends
The internal factors at play - that are either the result of us being social and biological animals or the result of the society that we live in/upbringing we’ve had:
Worried about being abandoned: believing that people only care about you if you are always right
To feel seen and understood: having others agree with you is a way to have them pay attention to you
To avoid failure: we grow up thinking that failure is a bad thing
To gain control: feeling a sense of control amidst life’s uncertainties
To signal/gain higher status: being “more right” allows you to be viewed as higher status
To inflate our ego: helps us feel worthy and valued
This is by no means a comprehensive list but the point is that there are many factors potentially fuelling this obsession with rightness. The more I dig into this, the more it makes sense why I’ve felt compelled to always be right. In this investigation, I’ve also recognised that the need to be right plays heavily into the extreme polarisation we are seeing in our society today. Opinions and beliefs have only grown more and more extreme as the media and other factors appeal to our need to be right.
Now that I’ve gained some insights on where the need to be right comes from, the next question to tackle is how to get to a place where I’m at peace with not being right. On this front, I’ve come up with a few things I’m working on to get me closer to that end:
Detaching my self worth and value from being right
Recognising that multiple truths can exist
Listening to other people’s truths with an open mind
Inviting feedback from trusted people when I’m in a strong mental state
My hope is that more people will recognise this and work on being more open and less judgmental just as I’m working towards. Maybe then we will have a chance of bridging gaps between groups and live happier. In the spirit of what we talked about today, I want to end this by saying that I don’t know whether these are right approaches or thoughts and I would love to hear what you think about this.
This week’s collection
💙Campaign: Mind HK Open up, Level Up Social Media Campaign
MindHK, a mental health nonprofit, in Hong Kong just launched a social media campaign to encourage people to open up about mental health on social media. Starting conversations about mental health is key to destigmatising mental health so if you are interested in participating, check out their website for the details.
🎤Activity: Karaoke
I did some karaoke this weekend and had a blast! I grew up going to a lot of karaoke sessions with my family so it’s an activity that brings me a lot of joy.
📈Podcast: How I Built This With Guy Raz - Canva: Melanie Perkins
I only recently discovered this amazing podcast and got really excited after seeing this episode with the cofounder of Canva. I’ve used Canva for a long time and it was so inspiring to hear Melanie’s entrepreneurial journey. I highly recommend checking How I Built This With Guy Raz out if you are interested in entrepreneurship.
In case you missed it: In last week’s newsletter, I presented 3 audits that you may consider doing if you need some clarity in your life.
A question for you!
What is something you are battling that others may not know about?
Always open to learning more and hearing from you 😊
Thanks for reading!
Stay inspired,
Viv