Sometimes you need to stop chasing
When putting in the work might not be the best strategy
Hi friends,
Throughout our lives, we’ve been taught to put in the effort and you will get the reward. If you finish your school work, you get to play outside. If you study and revise for the whole week instead of a day, you will get better grades. If you play the piano for a little while longer, you will be sure to ace the recital. We’ve been taught to assume that the relationship between reward and effort is linear - more reward = more effort. The education system definitely drilled it into all of us - especially when so many subjects end up being about memorisation and repetitive problem-solving.
In his article The Backwards Law—Why the Best Things in Life Must Be Let Go, Mark Manson explains that this principle is only true for basic and repetitive tasks, such as cleaning your room or filling out paperwork.
Most of the activities we put in a lot of effort into such as school, work and exercise will give us the rewards but will taper off at a certain point. Even if you spend every hour after school studying, you might not get into your dream university or get the job that you want. Spending hours working without a break can actually lead you to be less focused and productive. Not taking rest days and overexercising can stall your progress and your gains. Diminishing returns can easily creep in when we are not aware of the programming and beliefs that we have been taught.
Finally, there is a third type of activity where the relationship between reward and effort is actually inverted. The more effort you put in, the less likely you will get the reward. Mark Manson uses the example of Navy Seal training called Drown Proofing, which is when cadets are tossed into a pool with their hands and feet tied and asked to survive for 5 minutes. The more they struggle and try to swim or rise to the surface, the more likely they drown. The more they try to breathe, the more likely they will choke on the water. To survive, they must let their bodies sink so they can push off the bottom and rise to the surface.
This inverted relationship becomes clear when we chase psychological states such as happiness, confidence and love. When we try to pursue these things, we often end up attracting the opposite. In the pursuit of happiness, we buy things and scroll on social media to activating our dopamine centers but end up feeling empty instead. In the pursuit of confidence, we hide our weaknesses and end up feeling like imposters. In the pursuit of love, we often forget to accept and love ourselves first.
This idea of not chasing is not new - many Eastern philosophies have advocated for this for centuries. But what I found impactful was how distinguishing between these three types of activities allowed me to realize that we cannot use the same strategies we've been taught to achieve different things in life. Over the years, I have finally come to realize that there are many things that I cannot control or force through brute effort. Recognizing when I need to relax and accept has been immensely helpful in guiding me in the right direction.
My key takeaways:
Be aware when you are putting in the effort hoping to get the reward for a diminishing returns or inverted curve activity
Find the sweet spot before diminishing returns settle in
Sometimes once you stop pursuing, you will get closer to what you hope to be
Go watch Mark Manson’s video on the Backwards Law for a more eloquent and detailed argument for these ideas. If you enjoyed this post, give it a like!
This week’s collection
🚀Film: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
After hearing rave reviews, I finally watched it and I have to say, it didn't disappoint. My heart was full after watching such a beautiful and funny movie.
🩺TV Show: Dr. Romantic 3
If you enjoy medical dramas and Korean dramas, you have to watch this series. The third season is airing now and I can confirm that they’ve out done themselves with this new season.
In case you missed it: I wrote about how to deal with negative self talk by making yourself a hype doc.
A question for you!
What is 1 thing you should let go of?
Always open to learning more and hearing from you 😊
If you enjoyed reading this piece, share it with someone you think would enjoy it too 😊
Thanks for reading!
Stay inspired,
Viv